i've been staying at this place for a few weeks now



i can't decide if it's run like a prison or a women's shelter

that's mostly cuz i've never been in either one of those

but, prolly for very good reasons, there are a massive amt of rules

all of which i woulda complied with naturally

without it being assumed by the fact that i merely showed up here means that i'm automatically a unworthy piece of shit

but, based on the sins of the father (and in my case, prolly my actual father)

rules all over the fucking place

thanks for that

there was a slight misunderstanding after the first week

when, even tho stv was told he could ONLY pay week by week (unless he paid for a month), he thought it was understood that i was staying at least two weeks and assumed they'd automatically take it out of his initial payment method as needed

instead, i got a phone call

in fact, it was only the first of many times i've been awakened in a jarring manner

by a woman talking so fucking ugly, i felt she was this close to coming up here and tearing my fucking head off

i found out yesterday that this woman is the manager here

or a manager here

who the fuck knows

and so now everyone is in a fucking panic for no reason whatsoever

all i know is if money wasn't exchanged RIGHT THAT MINUTE, i was getting locked out

or was i getting locked in as i was still in here at the time?

was i getting a beatdown as well?

i was getting screamed at even tho there was no ill intent on the part of me or stv

but merely based on what had happened here &/or at other locations in the past

and their goddamned rules and policies

we were absolute shit for what it was perceived we were trying to, i dunno, get away with

and since then, i believe stv has paid in a block of two or three weeks at a time altho their policy states that we MUST pay week by week

on the second week was the MANDATORY cleaning and INSPECTION of this room

so i called down to make arrangements for the time that i am to again be awakened in a jarring manner

this time i talked to the nice lady that stv has met but i have not

and, let's be clear

there was not going to be a good time for me to be woken up for this

cuz see, i sleep during the exact hours they do cleaning and maintenance here

so i chose from shit

and i chose 1:00pm

cleaning day arrived

there was a knock on my door at promptly 12:08pm

thanks for that

and thank you for allowing me to stay here

piece of shit that i am

the first or second week, i saw a memo in the lobby regarding the mandatory cleaning of all the a/c units in this place

it was to take place over the weekend

and they apologized cuz they couldn't know exactly when each of us would be disrupted by this necessary procedure

when i got up to floor my room is on, i saw quite a bit of activity

so i was pretty sure they were gonna get to me really soon

and it was friday

so i didn't have to get up to go to work that day

so i waited

and i waited

and they finally arrived

and they were really nice

and they were only doing what they had to do

and i was unable to get to sleep that day until 2:00pm

and in order to be compliant

required me to stay up 24 hrs

oh well

i prolly deserved it for just showing up here in the first place

this week has been quite eventful

heard my first domestic this week

3:30pm

these doors are so loud when they close

and i am the only one whose made any effort to figure out how to get in and out as quietly as possible

but this guy down the hall

somehow found a way to make an extremely loud door

even louder

by slamming it over & over & over & over & over again

that i was actually impressed

but that's ok

cuz we're the same

he n i

worthless pieces of shit

on monday or tuesday

can't remember which

there was a knock on my door

i'd been asleep only ten minutes

you'd think it wouldn't affect me much

but you'd think wrong

i hafta assume this is how it is for people who only sleep four hours a goddamn day

cuz their jobs are so goddamn great

anyway my first thought is always that it cannot be good

not here

who knows what it might be perceived that i have done

unintentionally or not

oh let me explain here that along with finding a way to close the door quietly, i walk around very softly

cuz i'd hate to be disruptive

seeing as i'm the only third shift person here

anyway, at the door, was a maintenance man

and he explained to me that he had to put a cover on the top of the kitchen-like cabinets in here

and he could tell i wasn't doing well at that moment

and he apologized profusely

and asked if he should swing by later

but i told him to go ahead

cuz who am i anyway?

a person?

and i should mention here that i have been nodding off constantly & furiously at work for two solid weeks now

the two weeks i've been staying here

i'm sure that's not intentional on their part tho

one time, i was startled / awakened at 4:02am after a lead there threw a fit

and threw a skid

and my eyes popped open

and i looked at my right hand

and i was holding a thing to be processed

and my hand was shaking uncontrollably

and i looked around to see if anyone knew that i had lost consciousness or to see how bad my tremor was

so i barely made it through yet another week

it can safely be said that i'm suffering from exhaustion after being back to work only five weeks now

and on my last workday

the system crashed and we were sent home two hours early

glorious!

i got here sometime after 4am

and got to sleep sometime before 5am

then there was a knock on the door

jarring me awake

and someone was yelling

"FIBER CARE!"

what the actual fuck?

and i yelled WHAT?

but she couldn't hear me over the vaccuums in the hall

and everything hit me at once

consciousness

light

loud sounds of every kind (a thing that i thought was not allowed here?)

and the panic of needing to get that goddamn door open

and i had my clothes in my hand

standing in front of the door

all of a sudden the door opened

and i was still standing there in front of it in my underwear with my clothes in my hand

and a stranger

a woman i do not know

opened the door

then she screamed

then she slammed the door in my face

it is UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE to me

and then i threw my clothes on

opened the door

and asked her what the fuck "fiber care" was

she explained to me that the water had to be sucked out of the a/c in here

and asked me if the a/c was leaking onto the floor

i told her no

but some other lady came in here anyway

and pulled the a/c unit out of the wall

and saw that there was no water to be sucked out of the a/c in here

and the door closes

and too bad so sad for me

cuz then i was awake

and i was fucking pissed

and yet again

there wasn't a goddamned thing i could do about it

cuz if i complained

who gives a shit cuz i'm the only third shift person here

and i'm assumed to be an awful person just for the fact that i showed up here in the first place

when really

my bathroom fan exploded and caught fire

that's all

and i've paid and paid and paid

and stv and his family have paid and paid and paid

after talking to stv, i went downstairs

saving stv the trouble of coming over here

especially because he was trying to work at home while people were in our house repairing the damage

of a stupid bathroom fan

i went downstairs to make sure that my keycard would work into next week

because every saturday i've been here, it has stopped working and we're always forced to call the night attendant to come to the lobby to fix it for us

oh, i guess i did not mention that the office is not open on the weekends or during the night

as stv would say, why would they be?

and i was telling the same woman who'd practically threatened a beatdown on me a couple of weeks before about what had been happening

and it happened to be that i usually get here from "home" around 4am sunday

and she said to me, "4am?  that's crazy, right?"

and then when i was trying to schedule the next mandatory cleaning

she said, "after 1pm, right?"

"well, if they get there earlier, ask them to come back then."

missing the point entirely

and making no attempt to write anything down

fuck me and my schedule

and my privacy and my exhaustion

and any rights i have as a person

for the second mandatory cleaning, i was woken up at 11:05

i had been asleep for 40 mins

hey but at least i was allowed to sleep the next day

thanks!